Life: You want it easy, Too fucking bad!

Hello Y’all! I know I was going to write more but man life is just throwing punches left and right. I don’t know how much more my psyche can take. Sean and I have been really stressed we have two yes two kids graduating. Both of our beautiful daughters Faith and Charleigh. So we have been planning a trip to Florida for Charleighs graduation on the 18th of May. Then be back by the 19th before 2 pm to make it to our daughter faiths last choir concert before she graduates on June 8th. Needless to say it has been pretty stressful. I have bad anxiety attacks that include heart palpitations, dizziness, and other crazy physical crap that come with them. 

It doesn’t help I have been working so much. I do about 72 hours a week and I have been doing it what seems like forever. When I have a anxiety attack it scares the hell out of me which in turn makes it worse. I usually have to breath and remind myself that I am ok. I don’t have medical insurance ( its too fucking expensive) so i am not medicated for these attacks. My diet or WOE has been out the door. I have had so much sugar and carbs i wouldn’t be surprised if I turned into a donut.  My sleep has been bad. going to bed at 2 am and getting back up at 530 am ugh it sucks. March 22nd We lost my wonderful Uncle Arnie. This was my moms sisters husband, she (my aunt) is blind do to complications of diabetes. So my mom went to stay with her for a month not returning until May 3rd.

My sister Erin and brother in law Mike have been dealing with insane amounts of stress too. Mikes dad Big mike passed away on May 1st. He had been sick for some time with cancer and had been going down hill for the last few months. It was inevitable and we knew it was coming but it still doesn’t prepare you for when it actually happens. Now why would this stress me out. Big Mike and his wife Ann are amazing people. When I decide to move here to Texas, They took us in to their family like we were their own. The only family I had down here was my mother who lived with me, my sister and her husband Mike, and my brother Dave but he and his family live in Dallas. Big Mike and Ann became a grandpa and grandma to my kids. They invited us to all the family parties.

Always tried to include my kids in everything. They were essentially were my kids grandparents too. I cant explain how much love myself, Sean and the kids have for them. So the loss of Big Mike hit us all very hard.  He will be missed very much.  Well I think the stress that was mounting this whole time finally hit my body Wednesday (May 2nd) night after a long day. I worked that day then came home and moved some furniture around and got my moms room picked up ( she has been in Michigan with my aunt since March 22nd) And she (my mom) was coming home tomorrow. Well I got things just how i wanted them. I sat down in the living room and folded two loads of laundry. Well it was 11 pm so I was going to go try to get to bed. I laid down and fell asleep, around 12:15 ish I woke up because I was having a anxiety attack in my sleep. 

I thought I was having a heart palpitation, but something about this one was different. It felt weird.  I tried to breath through it, I tried to relax. I don’t know how I thought I could relax any more than being laid down and not doing anything. Sean wakes up and asks me if I am alright? I really don’t know what to say when he asks. I know that when I have anxiety attacks its hard for me to answer questions. This doesn’t feel the same as it usually does. My heart feels like it is going to beat out of my chest and it feels like it is not regular. When I have had anxiety attacks and went to Er dept they send me home saying theirs nothing wrong with you, so I have gotten used to not going and just trying to deal with it myself at home. But i didn’t see anything I was doing helping what was going on. 

So I decided to take my pulse via my phone on my Samsung health app. I took it and my pulse was 135 laying down. I was like that cant be right. So i take it again now it is 140… holy crap what is going on!! So Sean got up and went into the bathroom when he came back out I was still having a problem. He asks “do you want to go to the hospital?” I yelled I don’t know ( which was very rude of me, but my mind was going crazy). I went out to talk to my friend Debbi who is a nurse too and is living with us. She feels my chest and says it feels like your in Afib.  No i wasn’t in a lie…lol A fib…haha….but a serious heart issue. So I went back in and told Sean lets go. We go to the ER, they get me in very fast and do a EKG and sure enough I was in Afib. Oh MY GOD…. talk about scary!!

My heart rate was 150 and my blood pressure was pretty high for me. They started me on fluids and did a blood draw, and started some meds to help get that pulse under control. It helped bring my pulse down. They did some testing but it all came out fine. They have no clue what caused it to happen. When your heart is in Afib the top chambers shake or quiver ( you can feel this its crazy!!) well when this happens it send a signal to the bottom chambers to pump faster to compensate for the top not doing its job. The problem with this is it over works the heart. The other problem is the quivering causes blood to pool in the top chambers and you risk the blood clotting in there. And if you throw a clot it can cause a stroke and possibly death. OMG!!! I was so scared, Sean was terrified. After they got the medicine to bring my pulse under control, and they were not finding a issue with testing, they talked to the cardiologist and decide they were going to send me home. By this time it was 3 am, I was exhausted. When they told me “we are going to send you home, and you need to follow up with a cardiologist” I started crying. I don’t have insurance, I know its not cheap to see a cardiologist. I was scared to go home. The doctor was i think taken aback because I started to cry.

I really though i will probably die if I go home. Even though he is telling me I should be ok. What i felt was not ok!! And on top of that they cant tell me why it was happening. So the ER doctor says if you don’t feel sake going home then you need to stay here. We will admit you and keep a eye on you. That made me feel better. The nurses and the doctor and all the nurses on the floor were awesome. All of them were friendly, and made me feel sake with them. I felt i was in the best place possible. When we decide I would stay Sean went home to try to get some sleep and take the kids to school in the morning and on top of that let them know where and what was happening with me. He did a great job keeping them calm and reassuring them that i was in the best possible place.

After Sean left I tried to close my eyes and get some much needed rest….yeah right! But i was calm and had my eyes closed. My nurse came in because my pulse kept making the machine alarm. It was steady going back up. when he came in it was back up to 142. They gave me more meds, and he said I am glad you decided to stay because you would have had to come back if this would have happened at home. My nurse In the ER was Daniel, He was a absolute blessing he made me feel safe and helped me stay calm. While Sean was home dealing with the kids. I finally got up to a room at around 5:15 am. I had been up for almost 24 hours. (I got up at 5:30 am) As o fthat time my heart was still in Afib. They told we if they could not get my heart to convert back to regular rhythm by itself they were going to have to do a procedure that they would put me to sleep and shock me to get it to convert.

They had me scheduled for a Electrocardiogram in the morning. Well I finally fell asleep around 7 am. but was soon woke up because they needed more blood and vitals. My nurse Stephanie came in and she was so sweet. She got to tell me that my heart converted at 7:07 AM. I was so excited no shock treatment!!  They kept me until about 6 pm. They said they did find a UTI which I had no clue about because I did not have any symptoms of at all. They gave me antibiotics and gave me a med that was controlling my heart rate. The cardiologist finally came in to see me at around 3 pm. He wants me to lose my weight. And I have to see him on the 10th to find out what we need to do to figure this out. I may have to possibly wear a heart monitor for a month. He essentials told me to stay away from sugar ( go figure….my crack). Told me to do a more plant based diet. I told him that i did the Ketogenic diet for a while but had fell off recently. He basically said get back on it and really try to make it more plant based.

So I finally got to go home. Its so nice to be able to go home. I am still scared I may have it happen again before I can get to the Doctor. My kids were scared of course. Its amazing what you think about when you go thru something that could be life threatening. Well I will write more when I find out more. Cant wait to go on vacation to Florida really soon. I could use some beach therapy!! Relax, take in the sun and tell life to fuck off I am busy. So I will try my best to stay healthy, yall try too!

Talk to you next time!